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In Which Christian Pop Is Made Fun Of Mightily

My sister and I just copied the lyrics to Christian Pop songs into a text file and wrote a program to randomly recombine the lines (this was later changed to use markov chains). We now present to you some of the results.

We made all the titles and none of the lyrics.

For Extremely Early Risers

May I dwell in Your courts, O Lord, 
There to flourish like the trees of Lebanon
Planted in the house of Adonai there to live forevermore
Beautiful one my soul must sing.
6:30 Monday morning
Joy beyond the tears
Your Word
I tried to find anything I could
Release the very guilt that was in my mind,
But every time that I'd trace these lines,
When the waters rise,
And I run to hide,
When I lay it down I realize that
This twisted road eventually, is gonna lead you back to Me

Ice melts to reveal a frozen soul
And give a heart the only thing
Yesterday felt like it would never end
We sing Hallelujah
We worship in awe
Immortal, invisible God
Who died and rose again

Like the stars
Your Word
Lord I stand in wonder
And my world
With one desire
Words heart when they come from an empty heart
And the tears rolling down - (oh yeah)
All I'm looking for now
How glorious, how beautiful you are.

Not on Vulcan Anymore, Toto

Please don't run from me
Savior, You kept the faith in me
And I fall into a daydream
don't know what all of this means
Oh, is it love?
Logic is slipping away
In a moment his life could be new

But You were there, You gave me strength
So this little one might come to know
The glory of Your name, Your name
Cannot be silent, we will praise
The glories of my God and king
You don’t owe me anything my God No.

Awake my soul to sing
A song of living sacrifice

Aren't afraid, aren't ashamed Lord we know who we are
We are your people and we won't be silent
Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs
it's always the obvious that crashes over me
I will hold Your people in my heart
There was You and there was me
Cause you know what I need

Let faith arise
Open my eyes, open my eyes

Like the stars

This was her time
This is your dance
She swam in the sea

On the Co-occurrence of the Crucifixion and the Nativity

'Cause I'm free
From our fears and sins release us, let us find our rest in Thee
Israel's strength and consolation, hope of all the earth Thou art
Dear desire of every nation, joy of every lonely heart
Is torn asunder
And my world
Has been reborn
I'll be there
All is well, all is well 
Lift up your voice and sing 
Born is now Emmanuel 
Born is our Lord and Savior 
Sing Alleluia 

Joy to the World Just Falls Apart in Kentucky

You're all to us

In every lonely night of waiting
Hallelujah,
Chains have been undone and we are singing
Joy to the world
Just falls apart
Lord You put
Me back together
No one is a stranger
Love that covers sin

I confess, I admit
I look for life outside of You
I will praise You
To You
We will cry out
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Coming up the driveway
For another Christmas in Kentucky
It’s Christmas in LA
In the desperate streets of India
And the African plains

To know that you hear ever cry I raise to you
Your there when I fall
Open up by heart, we would know You
I give it all to You
And all of creation gives You praise
We're living for Your glory Lord

Our original idea was that Christian Pop is frequently so vague and repetitive that we could probably get things that sounded like real songs by doing this. But then we started doing it and found that the results were funny enough by themselves and mostly forgot our previous goal.

All Songs Used

  • Hillsong United
    • More Than Anything
    • Evermore
    • My Future Decided
    • Captain
    • Lift
    • Stay And Wait
    • Where The Love Lasts Forever
    • Saviour King
    • Take All Of Me
    • You Deserve
    • Oceans
  • Matt Maher
    • Your Grace Is Enough / Here I Am Lord
    • Jesus, My Everything
    • You Were On The Cross
    • For Your Glory
    • Abide With Me
    • Empty & Beautiful
    • It Is Good
    • Sons And Daughters
    • Come To The Water
    • Leave A Light On
    • Lamb Of God
  • Building 429
    • One Time Too Many
    • Back To Me
    • No One Else Knows
    • Grace That Is Greater
    • Glory Defined
    • Because You’re Mine
    • Not Gonna Let You Down
    • Free
    • Always
    • Your Love Goes On
  • Chris Tomlin
    • Jesus, My Redeemer
    • The Noise We Make
    • Sing, Sing, Sing
    • Tell Me Who
    • I Lift My Hands
    • Let God Arise
    • All To Us
    • Our God
    • This Is Our God
    • Forever
  • Jeremy Camp
    • You Never Let Go
    • Everytime
    • We Cry Out
    • I Still Believe
    • Perfect Love
    • Everything
    • Understand
    • Let It Fade
    • ‘Til The End
    • Beautiful One
  • Steven Curtis Chapman
    • Love You With My Life
    • O Come, O Come Emmanuel
    • Dive
    • Hiding Place
    • Love And Learn
    • We Belong Together (Tarzan And Jane)
    • I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day
    • Christmas In Kentucky
    • Angels From The Realms Of Glory
    • Moment Made For Worshipping
  • Tenth Avenue North
    • Just Getting By
    • Beloved
    • Lovesick
    • Devotion
    • No Man Is An Island
    • I Confess
    • You Don’t Owe Me
    • What You Want
    • The Struggle
    • Heaven’s Sound
  • Michael W. Smith
    • More Love, More Power
    • Christmastime
    • In Silence
    • Leave
    • This Is Your Time
    • Restless Heart
    • I’m Gone
    • Hang On
    • Live Forever
    • All Is Well
  • Phil Wickham
    • Jesus, Lord Of Heaven
    • High Above
    • Children Of God
    • Coming Alive
    • Better Than Life
    • Starmaker (High Above The Earth)
    • Eden
    • Heaven Fall Down
    • When My Heart Is Torn
    • Messiah
  • Laura Story
    • Give You Faith
    • O Come All Ye Faithful
    • Behold The Lamb Of God
    • Whisper
    • Awake My Soul (A 1000 Tongues)
    • Grace Abounds
    • Immortal, Invisible
    • You Are Love
    • Majesty
    • Come Thou Long Expected Jesus

We got all the lyrics themselves from http://www.azlyrics.com.

A Lullaby

While watching The Return of the King with my Mom and my sister, one of us began singing a bit. The tune was determined to be that of the song Good Night Ladies and the lyrics were:

Oh crap Nazgûl
Oh crap Nazgûl
Oh crap Nazgûl
They're coming to get us now

An excellent lullaby, don’t you think?

Homo Erectian

I came across some research notes today concerning a language spoken by a certain tribe of Homo Erectus in northern Germany roughly 5 hundred thousand years ago.

Phonology

Vowels: /a/, /o/, /u/
Consonants: /b/, /d/, /g/, /β/, /ʒ/, /h/, /m/, /n/, /ŋ/
I transcribe /β/ as “v”, /ʒ/ as “zh”, and /ŋ/ as “ng”
Syllable structure appears to be (C)V(C) with a tendency for word-medial clusters to contain a nasal.

Syntax

Word order was VSO. Verb phrases were verb-auxilliary-adverb. Noun phrases were number-noun-adjective-prepositional phrases.

Lexicon

Auxiliary Verbs

banana – question
dab – imperative
muvungab – attempt, try to ___

Prepositions

ngo – about, concerning
zham – in, at
zhou – of, from

Conjunctions

ag – and

Numbers

na – na – 1
da – da – 2
zhu – zhu – 3
go – go – 4
hazh – hazh – 5 (also means “hand”)
hazhg’na – hazh ag na – 6
hazhg’da – hazh ag da – 7
hazhu – hazh ag zhu – 8
hazhgo – hazh ag go – 9
dazh – da hazh – 10
dazhg’na – da hazh ag na – 11
dazhg’da – da hazh ag da – 12
dazhu – da hazh ag zhu – 13
dazhgo – da hazh ag go – 14
zhuhazh – zhu hazh – 15
zhuhazhg’na – zhu hazh ag na – 16
zhuhazhg’da – zhu hazh ag da – 17
zhuhazhu – zhu hazh ag zhu – 18
zhuhazhgo – zhu hazh ag go – 19
gohazh – go hazh – 20
gohazhg’na – go hazh ag na – 21
gohazhg’da – go hazh ag da – 22
gohazhu – go hazh ag zhu – 23
gohazhgo – go hazh ag go – 24
hazhazh – hazh hazh – 25

Transitive Verbs

ahumvub – greet
amagono – thank
amhazhmu – remember
avbazh – fill
avong – wait for
ba – go to
bahohu – tell
bozhu – happen
bunuv – surround
duazha – kill
gahu – grab
gazh – hit
goada – spear
guado – throw
gumnam – climb
hoho – hear
mam – punch
mav – keep
mobodom – finish
mumbuzha – smell
nomzhad – bite
nu – is same the same as
nuam – gather
obman – hold
odma – watch
ongmav – be underneath
ud – see
udnagazh – join
vo – is
vodovum – send
zhoha – have
zhozhuzhov – darken

Intransitive Verbs

abnomo – be silent
bavmav – sit
bazha – hide
buabo – return
dauno – sing
doazhan – jump
doazhugo – fly
duvma – stand
goug – drink
hangun – nap
gav – run
mododuv – leave
momavab – rumble
navgo – awake
vamuzhgan – settle down
vumgov – yell

Nouns

amngab – grass
bababob – vicinity, area around
baguv – reason for doing something
bam – hurt, pain
bonzhun – event
buda – stream
bumo – snow
bumo-vadan – snowmelt
davungo – hunting-party
doahbuodma – blood
doda – herd, indicate plurals with “doda zhou” (herd of)
dog – the past
gaga – rock
gagudo – stone-throw
goada – spear
gumnam-nobo – climbing-tree, tree that is good for climbing
hamnahu – clearing
hazh – hand
hogu – edge
homu – camp
mambubu – situation
monamba – head
mudumo – midday
mumbo – nose
nobo – tree
nomgado – tongue
nomnohu – piece of meat
nomnom – piece of food
nomvu – mouth
ombod – the period of time following something
onuam – sister
sua – side
uduzh – person
uvgom – eye
vodom – water
vonaod – leaf
vum – day (sunrise to sunset)
vumva – fire
vunuab – early-riser
vuzhadan – sparrow
vuzhma – cook
vuzhun – vision
zhog – stomach
zhovoda – auroch
zhub – bird

Adjectives

amugom – large
anab – complete
bauo – other
buvu – cold
duaha – dead
govo – loud
guo – more
ngada – happy
ngavu – strong
umonub – white
vonuv – green
vova – long
vovu – tall
zhamub – nearby

Adverbs

dauzha – very
go – like
govo – loudly
guo – more
mobag – now
mubzhad – previously
ngago – still
ngavu – strongly, tightly
nozha – not

Sample Text

This is taken from an interview I had with a Homo Erectus named Nomnomguo (“one who eats a lot”).

vo bumo-vadan gohazhu vum zham dog. navgo Nomnomguo. nomnogda Nomnomguo. ba Nomnomguo buda zhou sua bauo zhou homu. goug Nomnomguo. vo vodom buvu dauzha. navgo dauzha Nomnomguo. nomnogda ngago Nomnomguo.

is snow-melt 4-hand-and-3 day in past. awake Eat-much. hungers Eat-much. go-to Eat-much stream of side other of camp. drink Eat-much. is water cold very. awake very Eat-much. hungers still Eat-much.

23 days after the snow melted, Much-eater woke up and was hungry. He walked over to the stream on the other side of the camp and drank. The water was very cold. Now he was very awake. And still hungry.

A Motto for Thing-making

“If at first you don’t succeed, try failing epically.” – me, 02016-02-26

Inter-Lingual Personal Script

Do you ever get annoyed that the IPA has holes in it? Do you ever wish it was a bit more featural? Do you ever get lonely while writing phonetic transcriptions?

So did I, and that’s why I’ve created The Inter-Lingual Personal Script (ILPS).

ilps

ILPS is

  • Featural
  • Extensible
  • Intuitive1
  • Composed almost entirely of stick figures

Consonants

Stick figures facing left indicate voiceless consonants, while those facing right indicate voiced consonants. Direction of facing is either the side on which they hold their tool or the side toward which they are pointing both arms.

direction

s, z, χ, v

Plosives wear top hats, trills wear halos, taps wear crowns, fricatives keep their heads uncovered, approximants have horns, and clicks wear pointy wizard hats.

manner

p, ʙ, voiced uvular tap, ɣ, ɻ, ʘ

Nasal sounds have long beards, laterals are fat, ingressives wear boots, aspirates have ears, and ejectives have hair.

modifiers

ŋ, l, ddwo3, tʰ, tʼ

Bimanual sounds carry triangles, faciomanuals carry axes, bilabials carry swords, labiodentals carry clubs, interdentals carry torches, alveolars are unarmed, postalveolars carry balls, retroflex have canes, palatals have staffs, velars have megaphones, uvulars like balloons, pharyngeals deliver pizza, and glottals are archers.

place

bimanual click, faciomanual click, m, v, ð, s, ʒ, ʐ, ʝ, ɣ, ʕ, h

Vowels

Vowels are dead stick figures. Head to the left means unrounded and head to the right means rounded. Curled upwards means tense and flat means lax.

tenseround

i, y, ɪ, ʏ

Front vowels have been stabbed with a sword, back vowels have been shot with an arrow, and central vowels get both.

backness

a, ɨ, ɯ

High vowels wear a top hat like plosives, mid vowels wear crowns like taps, and low vowels go bareheaded like fricatives.

height

ɪ, ɛ, low back lax unrounded

Other Things

Glides are written as upright vowels.

glide

j, w

Syllabic consonants are written as lying down consonants.

syllabic

ɹ̩, n̩

Syllable boundaries can be written as brick walls. Primary stress is indicated by putting a double wall on either side of a syllable.

stress

ˌpoˈteˌto

Tone is marked with birds overhead. The first bird defines the midpoint, and the other birds define the contour. A single bird may be used to indicate any hatatory components of the utterance.

tone

pōtétò

Examples

Language Word ILPS
kay(f)bop(t) sa(f)pof(t)sob(t)vas(p)sal(p) kaybop
English4 floccinaucinihilipilification5 Forthcoming6
Sajem Tan decekžutthnu sajemtan

Miscellaneous

The objectively superior phone is now clearly the nasalized palatal click, as can easily be seen:

wizardclick

voiced nasalized palatal click

There is also an IPA-to-ILPS translator which can be found here.

Footnotes

  1. It is perfectly comprehensible to me, which should make it intuitive to everyone, but some people are weird2. return
  2. By “some people” I mean nearly everyone I have ever met. return
  3. Image source http://specgram.com/CLI.3/ddwo.jpg. return
  4. Apparently English is not important enough to have an official website. return
  5. Spelling and exact pronunciation taken from http://www.dictionary.com/browse/floccinaucinihilipilification. return
  6. The component stick figures rebelled. return

Yemnare’ Case System

Yemnarol has 16 cases, which are:

Nominative Transitory Pangolinic Dative -hoho
Accusative -ar Permanent Pangolinic Dative -ho’o
Genitive -main Transitory Pangolinic Accusative -gal
Dative -az Pangolinic Vocative -yev
Vocative -yave Mutiverbic Nominative -ol
Locative -ze Mutiverbic Accusative -dep
Subessive -uv Mutiverbic Genitive -e’
Superessive -nag Mutiverbic Prepositional -kai

The nominative, accusative, genitive, dative, vocative, and locative function much the same as in various other languages.

The subessive and superessive are roughly equivalent to “below” and “above”, respectively.

The pangolinic cases are used when the sentence in question is connected to pangolins.

The mutiverbic cases are employed when using Yemnare’ nouns in other languages.

Some Important Pangolins

Xanunol is the first pangolin, and possibly the first living being depending on how you read the sacred writings of Varenkai. He carved the Xareldep valley so he’d have somewhere to put any creatures he created without them running away.

Zefanol is the third son of Xanunkai. He created the Zefundep and taught them the Yemnardep, the speech of the pangolins. Since Yemnarol was given to the people by the pangolins, it is holy and may not be altered by mere mortals.

Varenol was not a pangolin, but was raised by them. Apparently he saved one of them from death and in exchange the was granted a wish. He wished for parents and the pangolin adopted him because he didn’t how to make humans. He later wrote a book about the pangolins which has formed the basis of the local religion ever since.

Yerenol is the soul-maker. Whenever a baby is conceived, he sends a bird to put a soul in it. The soul has a string attached to it with which Yerenol reels the soul back in at death. At the very end, when the pangolins walk openly once more, he will sort the souls and give to them as they deserve.